IT'S BEEN TOUGH
- Life
- Jul 2, 2018
- 11 min read
I'm back. This is my first blog post since January, I guess I just haven't been feeling it. Never knowing what to write about or if it will be interesting enough for people to read about or if i have enough detail to make the blog post long and one that people actually take the time to read. Its hard.
There has been a lot of events this year I could have wrote about but at the time I guess I didn't feel I could of wrote a detailed blog post about it but now I'm getting really excited to get back into this. This year has been tough so far, I've had to deal with challenging times but i've had such amazing support from my family and friends. I've completed my first year of A-Levels in school, they were very hard but hopefully I do okay as I did so much work for them so I just want to know if i've done okay!!
So yes, I'm going to fill you in on everything this year so far.
So yeah, this happened. If you follow my twitter you most likely seen all my tweets to Waterparks on the lead up to the concert on the 2nd of March. It snowed in Ireland for a week before the concert so it was impossible for me and others to travel to Dublin for the concert, buses were cancelled, trains and flights were cancelled. It was impossible for anyone to get there and impossible for Waterparks to get there but it took them a long time to announce if it was cancelled or postponed. So i made a group on twitter with people that were also going to the concert, this was to make sure we were all updated about the situation. It was then named 'Watertwinks' which was the start of the craziest friendship ever. Between our hatred for 'Eve' and deciding to chant 'boycott Eve' at the concert and fighting Awsten for not telling us if it was cancelled or not. There was about 19 of us in the group and we all just clicked.
Waterparks then announced (finally) that the concert was postponed to the 5th of March. Which was good (ish) but there was still snow, it was a nightmare.. Not knowing would we get there until we woke up on Monday morning..
Well we got there!! We walked up the stairs in the academy and I could already hear Max, We walked over to Max and Hayley which were both in the twinks groupchat and we laughed and fangirled over how cute Geoff was and how we wanted to fight Awsten and how much we missed Otto, as he was sick!!
When it was our turn to meet them I went first, I hugged Geoff and gave him my card and then hugged Awsten, I asked them to sign my absent note for school which said 'Megan was off school as concerts are more important then A-Levels, sorry for the inconvenience' They both signed it and wrote I was sick. Awsten wrote 11:11 on a piece of paper for me for a tattoo that i'll hopefully get in January next year for my 18th Birthday!! I got lots of hugs from them and told them i loved them about a million times it was great. I then took the camera of Molly and I filmed everyone else meeting them as well. When we went into the main concert hall.. it was tiny. I've never been in The Academy before so I was shocked at how small it was, before Waterparks came on I met Spicy Becca and Mild Becca, yes confusing I know. Got lots of hugs and we danced and sang and then screamed a lot when Parx came on. They were absolutely amazing and can't wait to see them again! (I'll leave the link to the vlog at the end).
- Also writing this post on Max's 18th Birthday sooo Happy Birthday xxx
Another concert? yes of course. Harry Styles.
I went through a major 1D phase in 2012-2016 ish, like I mean obsessed. I never stood for one of their concerts so standing for a Harry Styles concert was so amazing, for him to be standing right there in front of us was amazing. I went with my friend Georgia, who is madly in love with Harry Styles also, I think she actually cried the whole way through it. He sang so many One Direction songs which made me very emotional but it was amazing and I can't wait to see him again! (See what I mean, I never have anything to write).
OKAY.
Now to get into the deep stuff, The past couple of months I've been dealing with a lot. Obviously A-levels were extremely hard and trying to get the motivation to actually sit down and study is so difficult. Trying to get coursework done and handed in on time and get all right and get the best possible mark I could. I found it very stressful to stay on top off and especially when you have other, a lot more important things going through your mind. Since the age of 14 I've always dealt with mental health issues weather that be anxiety, social anxiety or mild depression. I got a lot better from the age of 15 but still suffered with social anxiety, finding it hard to go out in public as I didn't want to see people. Still to this day I suffer with anxiety and can't go into shops by myself without someone being with me, it sounds so stupid but it truly is one of the hardest things ever to deal with.
Over the past couple of months, I've kinda slipped back into all that. My mood has been low constantly, for a good month and a half I wasn't happy.. ever. I was good at pretending to be but I wasn't. This mean't studying for exams was impossible. I was procrastinating more then usual. I would sit down to study and after writing one word I would get up and tidy my room, watch youtube or just have a nap, as I was emotionally and physically drained. I didn't go through it alone I had a lot of people around me who knew what I was going through and helped me more then anyone could imagine. To name a few, My Mum, My brother Graham and his fiancé Serena and their daughter who is the light of my life, Sienna. My Granny, Sonya, Molly, Chloe, Georgia, Lesley, Megan J&E, Rachel, Nicole and Esther. Also my form teacher in school who helped me so much throughout the whole situation and also other members of staff in school who were amazing and so supportive.
All these people and more were there for me 24/7 throughout the past couple of months. Some knowing the full story and some not knowing anything.
My journey of getting better was a hard one. I had no motivation to do anything. I had accepted the fact I was just going to feel like this forever because how could it be helped? Well people like my Mum, Molly and my teacher (who all knew the full story from the beginning) were the ones noticing how down I was all the time, they made it their mission to get the old me back. I did a lot of things to help this process start, some things that I'm not going to write about, but some I will just in case anybody else is feeling pretty crap and needs help just to smile..
One of the biggest things I did was letters. I got everyone who cared about me to write short or long notes/letters just to make me smile. I then kept the hand written ones in an envelope and stuck the rest along my walls to remind me that people did care and I had peoples support. These notes were from my mum, brother, friends, teachers even. It makes me smile every time I look at my wall. Its the 2nd of July and I can genuinely say.. I'm happy. I'm Happy. wow. Obviously I haven't went into detail as to why I was feeling so down and I've left things out that I don't feel the internet needs to know as of now lol.
Mental Health is so important. Everyone is dealing with their own demons, you don't know how people are feeling unless they tell you. People can hide behind the fakest smile, the fakest laugh for a long time. Nothing is harder then battling with your own mind every day and nobody knows how that feels until you have to deal with it yourself. You need to take a break from your head for while, go out with friends, watch good TV shows, write down what your anxious about, getting it down on paper really helps get it out of your head. Napping is great. If your tired, sleep because dealing with your mind on a day to day basis is hard so nap. Listen to a calming playlist, I have to say I never did this. When I'm upset I go straight to my sad playlist, which is bad I know but listening to happy music when feeling sad just makes me angry? so i stick with my sad playlist and usually dehydrate from crying so much but yeah probably not the best idea and Molly would agree with that as she constantly tries to make me listen to happy music, she even made me a playlist.. which made me cry so I don't get how that helped but yeah.. (Also leave a link to that at the bottom)
It takes a long time to realize that you need to take control and do it for not only yourself but for the people you love and care about and leave the past where it belongs, the past.
It's time to start winning.
So I just occupied myself by surrounding myself with love.
Spend time with family. This was so important to me because this little girl is the best in the world. She can lift my mood from a 0 to 100 in just a second. She lights up the room as soon as she enters with her amazing personality and her energy. She is only 2 and has absolutely no idea how much happiness she brings to my life. When I'm with her I just forget about everything and everyone. She is the only one that matters.
This day in particular my brother Graham and his fiancé Serena decided to take me out for the day to try and cheer me up. We went for a walk around Florence Court and Ely Lodge and had a McDonalds for lunch. It was great to spend one on one time with them and forget about everything else. We laughed and I actually smiled for real this day. I fully recommend opening up to the people in your life that you trust, they will help.
Go outside, yes its scary because there is people out there and if you suffer with social anxiety this won't be easy but it's easy if your with people that make you feel comfortable with so go out, get out and get some fresh air and smile.
Go away for the day/night. Friends really do help. A lot. People always say friends are the family you get to choose. That couldn't be truer. Find someone that makes you smile for real and you feel comfortable with and can talk to about anything. I found a few.
On the 28th of June, Molly, Chloe and I were going to see Dan and Phil preform in Belfast Waterfront. Unfortunately last minute Chloe realized she had her maths exam the next day so she wasn't able to come with us which was really annoying as we do everything as a 3. It always feels weird doing things without someone as your constantly thinking about how left out the other one feels. So it put a downer on the situation but even though Molly is small (4ft 10 to be exact) she made it very clear we were gonna have a good time no matter what. I needed to forget about everything and have a good time. That's exactly what happened. The only bad thing about it was about 25 degrees and for us Irish folk thats too hot especially for walking round Belfast in. Shopping.
We went shopping for the day and then went back to Molly's sisters house and got ready to go to Dan and Phil. We left her house and then took the wrong turn and then got lost, walked down a dodgy road and eventually using the snapchat map we made it to the Waterfront. Dan and Phil were just as amazing and cringy in real life as they are on youtube. Molly cringed the whole way through it and then was shook when finding out Dan and her share the same fear, I won't expose her weird fear on this as she might already kill me for exposing her height. After the show we then walked home in the dark down the same dodgy road and played the sash to try and stay alive but we made it back to her sisters house and then got pizza. We laughed the whole night about random stuff that I can't even remember now but it was the best. Friends really do change your life, I couldn't ask for better friends.
So definitely, go out. Be with your friends, tell them how your feeling and they may just surprise you by making you smile from ear to ear.
A few examples of how amazing my friends are and no I didn't make them be so nice lol.
Change something. I dyed my hair purple as every summer I like to dye it a random colour as I just hate the standard 'natural' hair colours. People usually tell me I suit these bright colours more then natural hair colours anyway. Maybe I should of been born with purple hair?
Dying my hair makes me feel more comfortable with myself, suppose it boosts my confidence I guess. It's exciting. It makes me want to go out and show people and actually leave the house lol. It took a while to get to the deep of a purple, the first bottle of dye didn't really work it was more pink then purple or as my teacher described it - "Looks like when a pensioner goes in a asks for a purple rinse".. much appreciated lol.
But seriously, simple things like dying your hair can make you so happy, it's something different and yes it may not go right the first time but when does anything.. Just try it.
So yes, basically if your feeling at all hurt or let down. Depressed. Anxious etc. It will pass. Remind yourself it will pass. This is just another thing you need to get through and make sure you have support. Everyone has people who care.
I started this post off by saying I never have anything to write.. I think this might be the longest yet only took me like 3 hours..
I hope this has helped at least one person. Mental Health is so so important and should be talked about more. Remember how important you are, this took me so long to realize.
Its officially July and I'm feeling so much better. It's the summer holidays, I'm just back from Holiday and I am going to keep myself occupied and do lots over summer and hopefully keep on feeling happy. Hopefully there will be lots of blog posts during the rest of this year and more up on youtube as well.
Thats all I've got.
Be Happy.
Smile.
- Megan x
Products that help
Rocket Science Bathbomb
I feel like this bathbomb is very relaxing, it's a slow
fizzer, the colours that come out of it are so pretty and
it's very relaxing watching it swirl in the bath.
It helps a lot with anxiety and really helps you chill out
when relaxing in a nice warm bath.
-- You can buy this in Lush Cosmetics
Twilight Bathbomb
This bathbomb helps you get a great nights sleep
as it has lavender in it which is so relaxing and
mind clearing. This bathbomb helps a lot if your mind
is full and you just need to chill.
-You can buy this in Lush Cosmetics
Music I'm Loving
- Panic! At The Disco / Pray for the wicked album
Especially; Dying in LA.
- 5 Seconds Of Summer / Youngblood Album
Especially; Ghost of you and Lie to me.
- All Time Low / Everything is fine.
- Conan Gray / Idle Town
^^ Playlist is called 'Megz'
NEW VLOG COMING SOON!
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